A bit of this - a bit of that

The Shadow

2010-11-18T17:35:00.002+02:00

The shadow the sun allows you is elegant in form
Yet, the chic-ness of a silhouette is no truer than the lie with which we all live
When we are gone so shall be the shadow.

Chez

All I know of you

2010-11-18T17:34:00.000+02:00

I’ve seen you most everyday for a year now.
Standing at the same bus stop,
On route to somewhere,
Eight O’clock, without fail.
You look, well, as you always look,
Tired, like the rest of us.
This is all I know of you.

Chez

Straight Lines

2010-11-18T17:30:00.002+02:00

I hear them say, often
Life is a circle
What, surely not?
Isn’t it a straight line?
A beginning and an end.

Chez

Part Time Dad

2010-11-18T17:25:00.002+02:00

I’m a part time dad and it’s driving me mad.
As though I don’t care, I don’t share, it’s not true, I do!

Why does she need such control of my boys?
They’re our flesh and blood not a couple of toys.

When I try to communicate, it’s sour and mean.
It’s like talking to an android, a speaking machine.

Nothing I say is ever accepted.
All of my words twisted and rejected.

The punishment, the mindless futility.
I’m a part time dad, just another utility.

Chez - The past.

Autumn

2010-11-18T17:23:00.002+02:00

Autumn is my favourite time of the year.
I was born at the very beginning of it,
Before the beautiful colours erupt,
As summer closes its door and the winter wind start to sing.

Chez

Boxing by the fire

2010-11-18T16:29:00.001+02:00

The fire rages as I turn the pages over in my mind
There's a discussion going on
Its consistent and arbitrary at the same time
Qualification of the situation its persistent ruse
Tunnelling through the confusion its tedious objective
Turning to the next subject without a full perspective
Pictures, words and senses strenuously collide
Somewhere there's a narrative hiding behind a diatribe
A chasm forms between them
Bemused then clear, a summary address suddenly throws the towel into the ring
But not content the pictures fight as silent words delight
Until retreat is tasted and the whole futile exercise is wasted.

Chez 2010

Answer to a question

2010-11-18T16:17:00.001+02:00

Rumi, asks the question...
Sometimes I don't know if I am the drunk or the onlooker,
Sometimes if I am inside or outside of the tavern,
Even where the tavern is.
There is no astute city planner lurking with his favourite map in this husk of a mind.
Back to the question...
My drunkenness is fickle at best,
My sobriety misplaced.
Is it contentment not to know the one from the other or the other from the one?
Confusing and beautiful at the same time,
The art of not knowing.
Perhaps the answer lies some place else.
Shall we look or be seated, still?
What answer should we have, is it prepared in our pockets?
Just a moment and I shall check mine.
Empty, not even a rinsed dry piece of paper.
Am I the drunk?
If so, at whom shall my drunken vision and slurring words fall upon?
And am I content?
Can you tell me onlooker, if it is you who are content watching me?

Chez 2010

Eeyore

2010-11-18T16:04:00.001+02:00

An old grey donkey whispered in my ear today.
Why does a man carry such a heavy load in his heart?
It comes to mind that God made us equal, I replied.
The donkey smiled and I went on my way

Goodbye Greece

2010-10-01T14:44:00.002+03:00

I looked at the stars in Greece
Yet never did find peace
Fell in and out of love whilst looking at the fizzy night above
Twas through a tempest's eye that inevitably I said goodby
Yet no mourning shall I yearn, the lack of longing to return
Farewell then giddy heights and moments full of turbulent flights
Tis to another ground I lay to catch anew the wakened day

Chez 2010

Where have you been?

2010-10-01T14:38:00.001+03:00

Seems I have been awake yet asleep

My eyes open yet closed

My mind full of thoughts yet empty

My heart alive yet not beating

Good morning my dear self

Chez 2010

ETHICS II

2010-07-10T10:17:00.002+03:00

Ethics, God's excuse for being lazy!

Chez

WORDS AND I

2010-07-04T01:54:00.002+03:00

Words and I
We just about get by
Never waiting around for a reason why
In the head
On the page
In the sand
On either side of my left hand
Making sense
Maybe not
One by one
Or in a job lot
Letters
Punctuation
Verbs and nouns
Sometimes static
Often dancing
Frequently prancing
Words and I
We just about get by

Chez

THE MATTER

2010-07-04T01:53:00.002+03:00

Did I have choice in this matter?
Did you ask me to be here?
I can’t recall the question.
Will you ask me when I am ready to go?

Chez

YESTERDAY

2010-07-04T01:52:00.000+03:00

Elegant hands extended
Fingers for playing
Bach lingers in the background
She cleans
Warm ashes
Diffuse embers
Memories inside the burning Olive branch
Yesterday came and went
The fireplace cannot lie

Chez

TRUTH

2010-07-04T01:50:00.000+03:00

Embrace the imperfection,
Open your eyes,
Rip off the mask.
No, I am not perfect, are you?

Chez

ETHICS

2010-07-04T01:47:00.001+03:00

Ethics, society’s best friend and mans worst enemy!

Chez

WHITE LIES

2010-07-04T01:45:00.002+03:00

Too many white lies make one's heart colour blind.

Chez

DETEST DIATRIBE

2010-07-04T01:44:00.002+03:00

I detest the smell of sweat from a passer by
Angst over the crass sense of the seedless fashion conscious
I loathe with every minute I'm awake, the opinion of the uneducated news reader
The deception of the simple man from the köy
The poor dumb individual, too tired to notice the lies
I detest the stench of superiority
The fallen grace of the aristocracy
The power game
The leashing of the tame
The captured mind that crawls along
The propaganda
That repetitive song
I detest it all

Chez

CHOICE?

2010-07-04T01:41:00.002+03:00

Did I choose this path?
Were those choices freely given?
I can only speculate,
Time has come and gone.

Chez

LOVE IS LIKE

2010-07-04T01:39:00.000+03:00

A volcano sitting dormant, passion is when it erupts.

Chez

FALL

2010-07-04T01:23:00.000+03:00

As the sun rises, it shall fall.
Everything falls before time itself.
Our love,
And theirs.

Chez

YOU WERE GONE

2010-07-04T01:21:00.000+03:00

That moment,
As I walked through the door.
My eyes caught the sudden neatness,
The cushions on the chair,
The small folded piece of paper next to my favourite lamp.
My body shivering at the lack of warmth,
The coldness of a winters evening light pinning me down through the tied back curtains aside the window you'd left slightly ajar.
You were gone
And my heart fell to the floor.

Chez

ISTANBUL

2010-07-04T01:19:00.001+03:00

She wears a thousand jewels across her bosom
And flirts with a stranger without the slightest care in the world
She dazzles by day and explodes by night
Never shying from confrontation, she is the perfect contradiction
She is to paradox what water is to life
She is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen

Chez

VIRTUAL REALITY

2010-07-04T01:17:00.001+03:00

Touch my spirit through your words,
Let them linger in the ether as the songs of birds.

Words about the real you - the you I cannot touch, but after all the words I need you more than much.

Can you feel the heart beat of an internet affair?
Or would you rather emotions that float upon the air?

Will you sense the expression in my eyes, my mouth, my finger tips?
Can you taste the moisture that your words press against my lips?

Is it me you really want, or just a distraction?
The lingering prose with no physical interaction?

Move the mouse, press the keys, another word another tease.
A picture, a voice file, a video clip all help to form our virtual trip.

Yet feel you I cannot do - that lack of touch between me and you.
The gestures, the blink, the fluttering eyelids that make me think.

How will it feel to hold you tight all through a cold and lonely night?
Can you tell me what will be - open up my mind to a picture I cannot see?

Yes, I hear you say. I'll tell you all in a message on another day.

Chez

ACCEPTANCE

2010-07-04T01:15:00.000+03:00

I will not bathe in the intellectual fountain of self righteous psycho babble, avoiding the reality of my being good or bad just to allow myself the luxury of a guiltless night, or to avoid the trembling recognition of my wrong doing.
I am responsible for the winning and loosing, the patterns on my soiled carpet are my own and I shall not disown them. Nor shall I embody them with which they are not worthy. I just simply accept them as belonging to me.

Chez

WORDS ON A PHONE

2010-07-04T01:12:00.002+03:00

Sitting alone with words on a phone, no one to talk to, especially you.
Write and write on the mini keys, intermittently drinking a dozen teas.
Where does it get me I hasten to ask? Is that all you do, is there no other task?
Ignoring the question I tip tap away, trying to pass yet another wasted day.

Chez

THINGS LOST

2010-07-04T01:10:00.001+03:00

The light from my eyes has fizzled out.
The dance from my feet has lost its rhythm.
The shine from my smile abandoned its post.
Even my voice has run off in desperation.
Damn it - I want them all back.

Chez

RANTS AND RAVES

2010-07-04T01:05:00.001+03:00

Rants, raves and numerous excuses,
The mutterings of madness and the drunken man's muses.
Total self pity and sorrow become worn,
Your existence grazing in such pathetic forlorn.
Get a grip dear heart - for this isn't a stage,
No one cares if you don’t earn a wage.
Stand tall on your soap box, shout it out,
You’ll soon see the irony when you still end up with nowt.

Chez

IN THE END

2010-06-05T11:23:00.002+03:00

When it finally arrives,
The last blink from my eye,
The last heavy breath passes from my lips,
Will your love close the door behind me?

Chez

I DID! YOU DID!

2010-06-05T11:21:00.003+03:00

Did I say the wrong thing? Of course I did!
Did I do the wrong thing? Of course I did!
Did I make you angry? Of course I did!
Did I make you sad? Of course I did!
Did I make you think? Of course I did!
Did you learn a lot? Of course you did!

Chez

THE SHOPPING TRIP

2010-06-05T11:20:00.000+03:00

A bag of anger,
A pound of malice,
A packet full of resentment
And a bitter jar,
Thrown in a basket with a half dozen eggs.
What a shopping trip that was!

Chez

NO PROMISE IN JUST THE WORD

2010-06-05T11:19:00.000+03:00

There is no promise, no constant in just the word, for I have too often seen the paradox of half meaning like the flapping wings of a heavy bird.

Red lipstick, smart suit, delightful perfume, black stockings; tools to ply the trade of life. Two kids, a house, the stone walled garden, the disobedient dog and loyal wife.

Entrapment, disillusion, a plastic wrap, covers the dampness of its expression. Denial and routine allow it to bury the ill meaning conscience, that sex in systematic fashion.

All for the promise of something for nothing as a blind white dove. The sobbing attachment to a broken bond, never given, just taken with a word called love.

Chez

IT'S OVER

2010-06-05T11:17:00.001+03:00

Go, go, quickly to your destiny.
Be bold, grab hold. It's over!
Be fast, make it last, be slow, don't go, I changed my mind.
No, do, go, it's over!
Run, run, have fun. Take him to your bed, rest his head upon you heart.
It's over.
Forget my sigh, my winking eye, do it, let me die.
It's over.
It's over.

Chez

DOES IT MATTER?

2010-06-05T11:16:00.001+03:00

Blood on the stone, who’s?
Tomorrow our love shall die and we shall cry.
Does it matter?

Chez

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

2010-06-05T11:15:00.001+03:00

There was a moment when I was young when I felt the sun upon my heart.
A time, a place when chance sat cockily just around the corner.

The freshly hung smell of a youthful adventure held in the cusp of a growing hand. Holding high the mighty sword of innocent dreams... I could have sworn the world was spinning in my pocket.

Then I grew up!

Chez

WHERE GOD IS

2010-06-05T11:14:00.000+03:00

If I were asked where God is,
I could reply;

God is in the sky,
Where airplanes fly
And the evening passes by.

But more likely than not,
I would say;

He is in the failure of man to think an honest thought,
To speak an honest word,
To act an honest act,
To cry an honest tear.
God is in your fear!

Chez

INSIDE!

2010-06-05T11:12:00.003+03:00

What is going on inside?
Don't you feel a hammer when it hits your heart?
A million thoughts in a single day still cannot find the hiding place.
So what to do?
Shame on you, leaving all those thoughts floating in the air like wounded butterflies with no choice but to fall sadly to the ground.
Did you see them there slowly dying?

Chez

MODESTY

2010-06-05T11:10:00.002+03:00

Intelligent am I?
If I were, would I still be here,
Writing this folly,
That you shall read,
And think yourself the same?

Chez

IMPOSSIBLE

2010-06-05T11:06:00.002+03:00

Have you ever tried to count the stars?
Impossible isn’t it.
Have you ever tried to measure love?

Chez

TOO MUCH

2010-06-05T11:00:00.000+03:00

When I sit for a moment I think too much
When I lay upon my bed I think too much
When I walk along the street I think too much
My mind is full of thoughts it seems, too much

Chez

Museum of Tomorrow

2010-06-05T10:30:00.004+03:00

Who is the curator of our passing spirits?
Who may decide our destiny?
Can they say for certain that you, or I, shall have a place in the museum of tomorrow
Where is it anyway?

Chez

Ownership

2010-06-04T09:01:00.002+03:00

If I pick a flower from a field,
Shall it belong to me,
Or will it be lost in my hand?

Chez

Did you

2010-06-04T08:54:00.002+03:00

Did you see me there, watching from afar,
Smiling at your smile before I turned and let you to your journey so that I may take my own?
No matter, the end shall be the same.

Chez

Unclear

2010-06-04T08:48:00.000+03:00

When all you can see is your own hand
It is time to let the dust settle

Chez

A fairy Tale

2010-05-23T23:17:00.002+03:00

One day a young man was walking by the side of a stream. It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear and as blue as he'd ever seen it. The shallow stream ran from a river further up towards some hills in the distance. The sound of the stream was like nature's music and the young man decided to sit for a while near an old tree. Looking across the stream he could see the trees and their spring like blossoms budding into life. Their warmth and splendor making him smile. Then, all of a sudden his attention was caught by the swiftly beating wings of a kingfisher bird flying across from the other side of the stream and landing on a rock just a short distance away from where he was sitting. It was whilst starring at this beautiful bird in all its glorious plumage that he noticed something quite bedazzling shimmering in the water by the rock. Whatever it was, made the surface of the water appear almost magical.
Standing up, he took take a closer look and in so doing made the kingfisher take flight. Walking into the shallow waters of the stream the young man bent down to examine the object closer. It was amazingly vibrant and glowing in all the colours of the rainbow. Carefully he reached down and pulled it out of the water holding it in the cusp of his hand. For a long while the young man couldn't move. He was mesmerised by the shear beauty of the object and began to praise his good fortune.
Eventually after much consideration the young man decided to keep the object and tenderly put it in his pocket before turning swiftly on his heels and heading home where he sat for day upon day simply staring at his newly found precious jewel.
Sometime after he had gotten used to the beauty of the jewel, the young man had an idea and decided that he would mount the jewel in a necklace. Being somewhat of a handy young man, he thought nothing much about the task of setting the jewel into a clasp and hanging it from a gold chain. Off he went to the local supply store and bought all that he required to set the beautiful jewel. Feeling jubilant that he would honour the jewel in such a fashion, as soon as he got home he set about the task with a fervor.
Several days later, what at first had seemed like a good idea and a simple task had turned into a real dilemma. No matter how hard he tried, what shape clasp he used, the jewel refused to stay put and would fall from the clasp almost immediately he had fixed it. Tired and frustrated the young man abandoned the necklace idea and decided that he would try to mount the jewel on a ring. Surely an object such as this needs honouring in some fashion, he thought, eager to do the right thing. Alas after two more days and many attempts he still had not managed to mount the jewel in the ring. Again tired and frustrated he noticed something about the jewels appearance had changed. It was no longer bright and jubilant. It had lost it's glow and suddenly looked terribly sad. The young man felt bad and rejected. Why should such a beautiful jewel suddenly change so much, he quizzed, as he slowly walked the stairs to his bedroom.
The next morning the young man awoke and immediately sat up. It was as though he’d had a revelation. It was obvious the jewel itself must not want to be clasped in a necklace or mounted on a ring. It needs to be left to itself in it's own environment. Jumping out of bed the young man got dressed, went downstairs, collected the precious jewel from his study and set off towards the stream. It was a cold morning, but the sun was rising sharply and glistening its beams across the silver coat of the stream. The young man sat down in exactly the same spot opposite the rock where he had found the jewel. Then taking the jewel from his pocket he caressed it several times and tenderly kissed it goodbye. Standing up, he walked into the stream, knelt down and ever so slowly with tears in his eyes placed the jewel back where he had found it. Almost immediately the jewel began to shine, its glow once again gracing the surface of the water in beautiful colours. The young man retreated to the bank and again sat down deciding to stay for some hours. During this time he talked to the jewel about his life and his hopes, dreams and fears. After which, he stood up, and looking down at the jewel he briskly apologised and asked its forgiveness for putting it to so much trouble, explaining that it was never his desire to hurt or disturb the jewel in any way. Then turning his back on the beautiful jewel the young man made the sad retreat back to his house.
Not long after, the young man had another dream about the precious jewel, which considering he thought about it everyday was not unusual in itself, but this dream had woken him suddenly. Something strange had happened, he had a feeling of well being that he had never experienced before. It was as though he was floating on air, he even felt that he might perhaps fly like a bird. In the dream he had seen the kingfisher pick up the jewel from the stream and carry it off, although, this didn't make him sad, in fact the complete opposite. Since he was awake and it was clearly morning the young man put on his robe and made his way down stairs, going into the kitchen to make himself a warm drink, which, still feeling happy and content, he took into his study. Immediately on entering the room he noticed the window was open wide, and there as bold as anything sat the kingfisher in all its glory, right on the window ledge peering directly into the room as though indicating something. The young man turned in the direction that the kingfishers beak was pointed. "My goodness", he said turning towards his desk only to stop as still as tree. For there before his very eyes was the precious jewel glowing more than ever before, it was as so it had come alive. The young man full of joy stepped over to the jewel bent his head, smiled warmly, and said welcome. Then sitting besides the jewel for hours and hours he swore to himself that he would never ever try to change the jewel again. To this day the jewel shines as bright as she did then.

The End.

The moral of this story for what its worth, is never try to force something or someone to be what they are not. Temptation to change the world and the people in it is sometimes great. Forced change causes resistance. The art of contentment is in acceptance.

Chez - 2009

Nothing but sadness

2010-05-22T23:53:00.000+03:00

Tear the flesh from a harsh word or two and all that is left is nothing but sadness.

Chez

RESTLESS

2010-05-22T23:51:00.000+03:00

My heart sits upon a flying carpet with nowhere to go.
Take me somewhere, please.

Chez

AS IT IS

2010-05-22T23:32:00.003+03:00

If there is love then we are learning.
If not then we have learnt.

Chez

The Bench

2010-05-22T23:06:00.003+03:00

A walk in the park, a bench in the dark,
A quick cigarette and a thousand thoughts.
Back home, alone, fall through the door, lay on the floor.
Get up, sit down that thousand thoughts still hanging around.
To the bed, bury the head, cover the frown.
Fidget, turn on the light, there they are stuck to the night.
Face on the pillow, I want to forget, no desire for remorse or even regret.
Leave me be I beg as the sheep jump the fence,
But before you know it I’m back on the bench.

Chez

Life and I

2010-05-22T22:38:00.002+03:00

Life and I resemble a dog and a lamppost.
The good times rarely stop for a sniff,
Whilst the bad times all too frequently cock their legs and piss all over me.
I wonder if they have lampposts in heaven?

Chez - and a little smile

Get off the road

2010-05-20T22:14:00.002+03:00

Shortcuts can slow you down
Longcuts can wear you down
Got to get off the road before you explode
Just get off the road, take a break, go sit by a lake, alone, be on your own
Close your eyes, say your goodbyes and get off the road before you explode
Hold up in a wood, confused, don't care, green is good
Friends are friends then they are not, you can't rely on another's laugh
You can't be a lion when you're really a giraffe
So just get off the road before you explode
Time is rough, funny thing inside I find, sometimes it gets kind of tough
Close the eyes in the back of your head, ain't no use in looking back
Just get off the road before you explode

Chez

Diamonds

2010-05-20T09:59:00.003+03:00

Diamonds write the magic light of deadened night
The triple rhymes of holy chimes remind of better times
Stillness rest upon thy head as sleep lay upon the bed
Catching thought that tries to court but ends in naught
The sacred scheme the dampened dream, the silent scream
Sheltered pain becomes refrain as heartache turns to shame
Little me and little thee, littler than a tiny pea
Tulips blown as quickly grown, living the unknown
I am I, the Imam's cry, the reason why
Yet what to say on another day without the strength to pray
A cost of pence for all to sense, the cheapest of recompense
Shall it be told the warmth of gold to a heart that feels the cold
If it could then surely it would or at least it ought or should
To bring tonight the briefest of light from diamonds shinning bright.

Chez

HEAVENLY SHACKLES

2010-04-29T09:25:00.000+03:00

There is but one planet in my solar system. Whirling without pause, it spins its spell around my life, sending my senses into confusion, memorising every atom in my mind, wickedly twisting my rationale, hurling my heart from space to space, never ending, tormenting every millimetre of my ungraceful orbit. Yet, without such heavenly shackles should I not fall from the sky?

Chez

DESTINY

2010-04-29T09:22:00.002+03:00

My Destiny is mine
I cannot touch it, hear it, or see it
But it is there, I’m assured
I just need to accept it, to embrace it
Open your heart they say, don’t be scared
Oh, but I am, sometimes terrified of what might become
Calm yourself they say, don’t you know
Everyone’s destiny meets in the same place
There are no exceptions
Only wishful thinking

Chez

NO OTHER REASON

2010-04-29T09:21:00.000+03:00

Red shelves
Ornaments
There to cover the white wall
The negative space
The untouched face of nothing
For no other reason
Nothing at all

Chez

EMOTIONS

2010-04-28T18:37:00.000+03:00

Blue is more dense than red,
Red is less dense than blue.
Is my heart red or is that an illusion?
Should I trust my sight, or my emotion?
Words come from my emotion,
They have no colour,
There is nothing to explain them,
Read them and they are gone.

Chez

DARK AND MOODY SKY

2010-04-28T18:23:00.001+03:00

The sky is dark and moody tonight,
Crimson ribbons its only saviour.
A painting of my mind haunts my spirit,
Like the returning tide on the shores of my soul.
A thousand memories rush to me like the raindrops that will surely follow
As forbidden secrets tell the tale of hidden wishes wrapped in joy.
Yet pass me by as quickly as they will,
My sense catches all.
Even the moment before I stumble is clear.
Still, for all this knowing that is my life,
I cannot change its course,
Nor tame the dark and moody sky,
Or teach my soul what it has always known,
No matter the dream or the will.
But then again these are only words,
And I am only a man.

Chez

STRANGE BEHAVIOUR

2010-04-26T11:04:00.004+03:00

I am often puzzled by the behaviour of adults. Somehow they seem to forget the truth of what becomes the joy of life, always overly concerned by the importance of unimportant issues. Instead of playing they think about the rules of the playground. By the time they have rearranged the rules there is no time left to play. What strange behaviour this is.

Chez - trying to grow up

PROCESS

2010-04-26T11:03:00.004+03:00

Nothing is coming; my mind is just running
A mile then ten, and on and on
I'll end the day sleeping on my feet

Chez

BLACKNESS

2010-04-25T18:03:00.002+03:00

Blacker than a hangman's soul, the night!
Is there really any difference if you die in the dark or in the light?
What can we see when all said and done?
Not even the hangman's soul.

Chez

THE TASTE IS NICE

2010-04-25T18:00:00.000+03:00

So I take to wine each sunset,
Joining yesterday with tomorrow in a haze.
How little I know about the redness that trickles indifferently down my gullet,
But the taste is good so I shall continue the ritual, if you don’t mind.

Chez - 2009

A MEMORY

2010-04-25T17:58:00.001+03:00

Old song in the room
Takes me somewhere distant
Times past
A night that didn’t last
It was pleasant
Or so my mind recalls
Let me suckle on a memory
At least until my conscience falls

Chez - Sometime past

DAYDREAMS

2010-04-25T17:52:00.001+03:00

Standing strong in a wide open field,
Doing battle with a demon behind a heavy shield.

To the morning perhaps, or the night before,
The moment you said goodbye and walked out the door.

To a mother’s breast or a child’s yearning,
A time to relax or a place of learning.

Upon green hills where trees unfold,
To a story in a warm bed once told.

To smiles and frowns,
To ups and downs and rounds and rounds.

To a melody that won’t stop playing,
A poem, a word, a funny saying.

A gentle touch from someone close,
To the argument about burnt bloody toast.

A walk in the park, a kiss in the dark,
A car ride home, a conversation on the phone.

A mental sloth with nothing said,
The fear of their wroth, you’d rather be dead.

A time, a place, so far gone,
It’s difficult to say if the memory is wrong.

A lightning strike from far above,
Was that the moment you fell in love?

The hurt, the damp, the sodding rain,
The weather that won’t change along with the pain.

A birthday, a wedding, a party or two,
The regret that old friends are now so few.

A wry smile on the lips and the eyes full of tears,
Then a tap on the shoulder and it all disappears.

Chez - 2010

WILL YOU WIN?

2010-04-22T09:29:00.002+03:00

I was your flower in a field of colours
The sunlight in-between the clouds
The lump in your throat when you were down
The heart-throb of hope when no one else was around
Now a burden I become
A heavy foot upon the light
Now I am Goliath
And love is lost to battle
Dust burnt eyes
Battered ears
Stinging rhythms from thinning lips
Boiling veins
Reptiles rising from beneath the sheets of shallow refrain
Seek no compromise
The quest to hide all fear and pain in full throttle
Seeing red
Playing dead
Trickery counts its toes
The emotional sword becoming swifter
Flicks of the cunning wrist unseen
Side steps and forward thrusts
The fancy foot work keeps us keen
Keen as mustard
One shall win, one shall loose, so says who
The ego or the fear,
Reason roasted in the heat
The blueprint incomplete
Knowing lost
The final riposte
Kick yourself for reading these words
Strap yourself down
Will you win?
Tough Question

TURN OFF THE LIGHT

2010-04-22T08:23:00.001+03:00

Turn off the light; it gets in the way,
I can think better in the colour black.
The darkness takes my mind to places I don't yet know.
Slowly they become familiar and I feel safe in their images.

GUARDED

2010-04-20T17:08:00.002+03:00

Is it my place to trust you,
To find peace in your form and words?
Should I not be guarded against such folly?
Are you not the same as the rest of this mortal gang,
Strong enough for deception, too weak for truth?
Answer the question…

HORIZON

2010-04-20T17:04:00.003+03:00

Where is it that the horizon ends?
At the end of the world, they say.
When my heart ceases to beat, I say.

Chez - 2009

NECESSITY LAID BARE

2010-04-20T17:03:00.001+03:00

Stripped of its skin
The bare bone of wood
Cry out in pain, if it could
Alight on the fire
A guest at the pyre
Warmth to the air
To flesh, bone and life
Something lost, something gained
Natural consequence
Necessity laid bare

Chez - 2010

THE SILENT BLIZZARD INSIDE

2010-04-20T16:59:00.003+03:00

Snow flakes like spears,
The biting wind, the bitter cold and unforgiving years.
Frozen eyelids, burning ears,
The dulling senses, the motionless limbs and freezing tears.
The silent blizzard inside.

Chez - 2009

DEPRESSION

2010-04-20T08:26:00.002+03:00

My body silent,
My mind stumbling,
Nothing breaks the solitude of thought.
I fall,
Back,
Deep into emptiness,
My spirit’s curtains tightly drawn.
Numbness stretching my corners,
Through the evening and on past dawn.
The irksome chorus of birds,
The twittering onset of another day.
Light and shadow devilishly collude,
The brightest day as the darkest of rooms.
Weakness pressing hard against my soul,
Blackness,
Blacker than the blackest coal

Chez - 2009

MY NEW SHOES

2010-04-20T08:12:00.002+03:00

See them in the window lying provocatively together, polished, glossy patent leather.

No scratches or wrinkles, never trodden a track, both soles and heels still fully intact.

A shoe horn providing a helping hand as they visit for the first time my foreign land.

My toes shifting, searching, as the horn slips away and the shoes become mine for the first ever day.

Full of splendor and promise are my new shoes to me as we exit together for everyone to see.

On our adventure, our journey, through slim street and fat, striving outwards and onwards without looking back.

Miles and miles through an ocean of urban, on sidewalks, in parks and in bars drinking bourbon.

Joined at the ankle, our humble attachment, a fateful tie, this is the pledge for my new shoes and I.

Slowly, quickly, eager to impress, downhill and uphill, often under duress.

Long walks and short walks, through thick and thin. Moist wrinkled leather and dry aching skin.

On and on with the ritual we go, how many hours is difficult to know. Suffice it to say, it is many, that is so.

Scratches for shoe, blisters for toe, learning the ways that all shoes and feet know.

A blossoming relationship with occasional pause. No written contract or get-out clause.

Yet sharing less moments a predictable spin as the shine begins to fade and the soles wear thin.

Until left in the closet looking tired and worn, reminiscing the memory of the shoe shop shoe horn.

That brought them to life and inevitable death when it waved them farewell from the shop that they left.

Now soulful and weary but still in two’s, on the way to shoe heaven, humming the shoe blues.

With a longing to return where the shoe shopper views and a stranger declares, these are my new shoes!

Chez - 2004

PERCEPTION

2010-04-17T19:25:00.006+03:00

There are times when we do not live up to expectations.
There are times when we wander, in our selves to another place, which we can't explain.
Sometimes all that it seems is not what is.
If our perceptions were forever cloaked in what is, what would we be but obvious, and obvious is never what it seems.

Chez - 2005

YOU STIR ME INSIDE

2010-04-17T19:22:00.003+03:00

You stir me inside.
You make my mind race,
Reddening my face,
You pin me to the ground like a lioness on top of her prey.
You claw at my soul until I scream,
And then eat at my heart with a whipped double cream.
Who the hell are you?

Chez - 2009

DAMNATION

2010-04-17T19:20:00.002+03:00

Constant images in a field of thoughts
Constant feelings in a sea of salt

A day a night covered in imagination
A cry for calm in amongst the hallucination

A beam of light falling onto dark
A desperate bid, another knife in my heart

A race through the mud of mind
The inner battle of the panicking blind

The stench of the futile standing by
The damnation of love, the damnation of I

Chez - 2009

MORNING AGAIN

2010-04-17T19:19:00.002+03:00

It's morning again,
Second nature helps me out of bed.
It's morning again,
More of the same for this tired old head.
A cup of coffee full of the same old woes.
Trouble in mind from my head to my toes.
It's morning again.

Chez - 2006

MY BRAIN

2010-04-16T08:15:00.003+03:00

My brain could be a pain if only it worked.
But when I try to think, my thoughts simply evaporate at an alarming rate.
It’s been yanked, prodded, twisted and pulled,
Heated and blasted, soaked in vinegar and cooled.
It’s embarrassed me so much I feel like a jerk,
Yet still the damn thing won’t bloody work.
It’s like neurons and cheese in the deep freeze,
Maybe it all got lost the last time I sneezed.
Tell me, for goodness sake,
What will it take for one little synapses to give me a break?
Just a little thought will be fine,
No need for a biggy like Einstein.
Oh, bloody hell,
Now it's starting to swell,
And this ditty has gone straight to hell.

Chez - 2000 and something

TWO HALVES

2010-04-15T11:01:00.003+03:00

A half bottle of Scotch
A quick look at the watch
Time for the other half

Chez - 2009

I GROW

2010-04-15T09:03:00.003+03:00

You are like the earth

Things grow from you

I grow from you

The scent of an amorous night and the early morning sleepiness before I open my eyes, grow from you

The wind in my ears, the air in my throat, the smell of my flesh, grow from you

My anger, anxiety, pain and churning stomach, grow from you

The good, the bad, the happy and the sad, grow from you

You are evil, you are saint

You are black and white, you are coloured paint

You are soup, the spoon and the mouth they feed

You are modesty, arrogance, thriftiness and greed

You are hot and cold, sweat and chill

You are it

The one

The sky, the sea

I fly, I swim, I make my plea

You listen, you don’t

You state your place

You glow, I grow

I turn my face

You smirk; you frown and laugh a lot

Genuine ridicule from the laughing pot

You rain, storm, hail and snow

I grow.

Chez - 2009

VENUS

2010-04-15T08:57:00.002+03:00

Venus borrowed my terrace tonight.
She was high, my head lent back to catch her sparkle.
It lit the stone wall and the leafs of the small lemon tree.
She smiled on me and I thanked her.

Chez - 2009

IT IS HARD

2010-04-15T08:51:00.003+03:00

It is not simple it is hard, said the wise old gardener sweeping the yard.

A little here and a little there, it's not in straight lines you know.

Sometimes you're by the flowers, but often where the weeds grow.

My garden, it is like life you see, too much order and you'll kill the bee.

Chez - 2003

CAVES

2010-04-14T17:32:00.005+03:00

The master and the slave am I.

In and out of my little cave I trot,

Every morning on the dot,

Risen to another day, over the hill and down the other side until my mind wears thin.

Evening comes and passes by

Fatigue and can’t be bothered popping over,

Hey! How you doing? Hi!

To sleep, wrapped up tight, the same old feeling every night.

Why bother, you ask yourself, to buy another cave to amuse myself?

Yeah, right, whatever you say, the truth shall out or will it?

Chez - 2009

THE BALCONY

2010-04-13T11:30:00.004+03:00

The smell of salt

The noise of the fly

A breeze that doesn’t touch

Sheltered behind bamboo

The sea not far, but far enough

Insensitive echoes of crashing waves

As thin clouds wander

The pigeon sitting on the conifer

Stones chafing on bare soles

A coffee cup besides the body

Eyes flickering in bright sunlight

Mind moving

The empty ashtray

The running ant

Buds on flowers

Dried leaves in corners

Unequal reflections in windows

The shadows growing longer

Abstract shapes conjoined

Bordering on figurative thoughts

The balcony has set its table

Be seated

Chez - 2010

ACCEPTANCE

2010-04-12T18:25:00.003+03:00

Did you wander to a far off place?
To loose your name in the thick pea soup of anonymity?
Did you become just another face?

Hide and seek, the game you choose,
Both hider and seeker of a hidden self,
Cramped and dust ridden on an illusionary shelf.

Dare you raise a sideways glance to the stand up mirror in the dressing room of your secret,
Glimpse upon the ugly dress tearing away at the illusion that stands before and behind all that you are?

Don't!
Stop!
Leave my aching spirit.

The silent echo of the scream shivering in darkness,
Constantly thrusting, cajoling and crying,
Gradually, without tenderness, dying,
One last murmur and then still.

Hidden in the walls of what you have become,
A frozen atom unable to run.
Time has no you and you no time,
No more or less, would or could, here or there,
Just now and more of what now is.

Stop scratching.
Whatever is there shall find you as it desires and leave as it pleases.
You cannot own destiny.
No tempest shall be quiet nor silence cheated.
Accept it all,
Only then shall you settle with the dust

Chez - 2003

FOUR PAIRS OF GLASSES

2010-04-11T23:02:00.004+03:00

Yesterday I had four pairs of glasses
Today I have but one
The other three, well lets just say
Are well and truly gone
Slamming the door behind them as they ran across the street
Screaming bouts of ridicule
And contemporaneous conceit
It wasn’t my intention to outwardly offend
But words once written are difficult to bend
So stop a minute and see some sense
No need to always take offense
Hold still, calm down; don’t pop a lens
I’ll try to be more careful
And so shall all my pens

Chez - 2009

And so the adventure began!

2010-04-11T22:39:00.010+03:00

As he sat amongst the crowd on the upper deck, drinking cai, Chez only had one question, how would it end?

The ferry was about to leave, he'd managed the first part of the journey without too much fuss. He laughed in his mind, 'good starts', he thought, with a half smile.

He felt a lump in his throat as the ferry crept away from the safety of the quay. He knew that things would never be quite the same again.

The view through the dirty window was misty. Lonely ships on the horizon seemed to be going nowhere.

Chez felt comfortable with the fact that he was at least going somewhere. It was a familiar feeling, he'd been going somewhere all of his life. A warm sensation coveted his insides like the breath of a angel giving life. Maybe this time I'll arrive somewhere, he thought, crossing his fingers.

The ferry seemed to take an age, making its way through the gray green soup of the Bosphorus like an ancient royal vessel on the high sea. Chez had taken the journey many times before, yet this time there was something unfamiliar lurking, struggling to put his finger on it, he was distracted, the ferry had docked.

SITTING BY THE FIRE

2010-04-10T21:21:00.002+03:00

Drinking
Thinking
Dipping into the flames and stinking smoke
I breathe
I scribble down a line or two
Read it and almost choke
Light a cigarette
Suffocate the senses and pour another shot
Hell, no sense will come tonight
Not a worthless solitary jot

Chez - 2009

World Cup – 2006 Comments and a little bit of Dribble

2010-04-10T17:59:00.005+03:00

Decided to post this purely because it's a World Cup year. Might do the same this year, and try not to get so bored this time around.

I think England played ok first half, a little nervous, but ok! The second half was very fractured, and so typically English, but it was hot out there, 30 degrees, and global warming hasn’t yet reached the Beckham Kingdom. But they do have Crouch, who, it has to be said, should improve in the air, and will be ok with the ball when he’s had his binocular lenses fitted and can see it when it’s at his feet. All in all I guess we should cut them all a little slack until the next game, and then pass judgment. Then again, if I’m honest, we’ve got more chance of winning an egg cup, never mind the world cup! Still I’ll have a little flutter if I can find a pig to fly to England and put the bet on for me.

I’ve been watching all the games and I figure the best team so far is Ecuador, as they have the fastest roller boots. The German team is a little stodgy in defense, not enough Black Forest Gateaux, up front they played reasonably well, but I think they lacked Ballacks!

Holland have Robben, but you need sunglasses to watch them play. Portugal have an advantage as they make the pitch very greasy for the other teams, a phenomena that became apparent as Angola spent most of the match on their considerably sized posteriors. Argentina need to spend less time in the perm shop and more time in the stretching rack, their all pretty short on the ball, and I don’t see them rising to the occasion.

As for Iran, I think they played poorly deliberately as a decoy to hide their uranium enrichment program under the pitch, which the Mexicans undoubtedly tapped into as they seemed to go nuclear in the second half of the game, which is worrying news for a possible clash with the USA.

As for England’s other first group rivals, the Swedes played like a bunch of turnips, I think they need a backing group, perhaps Abba could oblige, and Trinidad and Tobago, well, lets just say they’d be better off with a couple of black and rums, sitting on the beach back home. Though I’m not convinced that any of the four will progress beyond the second round , my money would still be on England and Paraguay, now where is that pig?

But let’s not loose all hope, the mighty Brazil have yet to play and if a nut needs cracking Brazil have the equipment. Italy, yet another dark horses head in the bed, might surprise us all, with their handsome legs, running in all directions across the pitch, whilst winking at the Bella bambinos in the crowd, correct me if I’m wrong but I believe Italy’s games are women only, on and off the pitch! Still with the well hung Ghanaian boys to accompany them, it should even itself out. Definitely one to watch!

Today though starts off with Australia and Japan, one to watch if you’re tied to the chair with your eyes pinned open. A source inside the Australian camp indicated the use of boomerang boots, so if you see a lot of Aussies with their legs wrapped around their heads don’t worry; apparently they’re still fine tuning the technology. Japan on the other hand have their robots so full of technology that they’ve requested the game last for 24 hours so that they can debug them properly. Perhaps they’d like to lend one to Fifa so they can replace the Mexican ref who took charge of the Crouch/Paraguay game.

All in all it’s been an interesting few days football (Soccer for the Americans that might perchance read this dribble) and if tradition has it’s way, it can only get better, although the English should not give up their day jobs, especially Beckham who it seems has a new perfume out called ‘On the head, John’, which I’ll be buying by the gallon load as soon as I finished drinking the Vodka that the Russians sent me for not mentioning them.

UPDATE:

Looks like the USA took a day off against the Czech Republic, who out-classed the boys from the Republican Party by a 3-0 win. The USA did a fair bit of running around but couldn't make it count (Sound familiar). Perhaps they'll bring in the big guns for the next match, that is, if they can get the US Senate to clear it.

Those boomerangs really worked wonders for the Aussies, although, they should fix the timing mechanism on the things, as they took nearly the whole 90 minutes of the match to come back and do anything useful, better late than never I suppose, even for a boomerang. Watch out for the boxing Kangaroos next time out.

The Japanese, well, that's what you get for sitting on a lead of 1-0 (England take note), we need more Kamikaze and less Sushi!

Ah, La Dolce Vita, 'When the goal hit's your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a marvelous, and marvelous it was to see the Italian squad hide away their little off the pitch indiscretions and playa likea the boys froma Roma. The game was a treat, except for the extremely poor finishing of the Ghanaian forwards and the almost frigid like first half movement of Kinston the goalkeeper, or mime artist, not sure which, although to be fair he did improve and made the odd quite reasonable save in the second half.

Ok, I'm off, gotta go get my makeup on ready for Brazil to make it run with tears of joy!

UPDATE:

Well, what can you say? BRA-ZIL Boom! Boom! Boom! BRA-ZIL Boom! Boom! Boom!. But wait a minute, what happened to Ronaldo? Was he really in the game or was that a double, stuck on the pitch whilst the real Ronaldo, played hooky in some German night club with a gal called Rita surreptitiously supplied by the Croatians? Luckily it didn’t matter as the little Kaka did his business, providing a new proverbial meaning to doing a Kaka! Which, if I may borrow the term in its more traditional sense, is precisely how I would describe the muddle that France and Switzerland left around the pitch. Definitely the worst game of the tournament so far. Now you know why the Swiss are neutral and the French always go down hill fast, post revolution.

The team of the day without a doubt were Togo, definitely unlucky! Playing those nippy little South Koreans is like standing in front of a dart board with both teams throwing simultaneously, you’re always going to end up with one in the eye.

It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it, is a phrase that comes to mind, when I watch all these highly paid players shoot wide of the goal, PUT YOUR CONTACT LENSES IN BOYS, and start looking where the hell you're shooting, is my gentle advise. And before all you teamsters out there start ranting about, it’s not easy, well it is for those that can, Lampard, Kaka and Lahm, Ok, Lampards efforts were saved but at least they were on target. Sheesh, imagine throwing the fries in with the chocolate sundae, you’d be fired on the spot. And I don’t go for all that remotely piloted ball stuff put about by all the latest World Cup conspirators either. I mean really, who the hell would wanna do that?????

Enough of the nonsense, and back to things that matter POLAND 2 GERMANY 2, any takers, or are za Germans two strong for za Poles? Whatever, it’s a must watch! Looking forward to the other games of the day, well unfortunately I ‘m getting my feet manicured during the Tunisia/Saudi Arabia game, so won’t be able to dribble over that one. Still there’s always the highlights, but I’ll probably opt to wash my hair. Time will be on my side for the Spain Ukraine game, hey that has a ring, Spain Ukraine game, Spain Ukraine game, don’t you think? One more time, Spain Ukraine game. Anyway, I can see myself and my two mates, beer can 1 and beer can 2, cheering on the Spanish! Let’s hope we don’t end up drowning our sorrows.

UPDATE:

Got bored with the whole thing and an outstanding lack of quality matches. So decided that I’ll wait until England play Portugal, which just shows you how fickle I am.

ENGLAND VS PORTUGAL:

Watched ‘Gone with the wind’ instead, which according to the reports of the match, apart from Rooney's sending off, was a damn site more entertaining. “Oh, Scarlett, my darling.”

THE FINAL:

Who cares England aren’t in it...

A Short tale of a ‘B’ key and two Jews, by Chez

2010-04-10T17:18:00.004+03:00

Must read in Jewish Voice - Mazel Tov (MAH-zl TAWV)

Jew 1: I lost my ‘B’ key!

Jew 2: What’d you mean you lost your ‘B’ Key?

Jew 1: I was vacuuming my desk, saw the computer was dirty and I vacuumed it, the vacuum sucked up my B Key!

Jew 2: What a thing to do, nobody looses their ‘B’ key, nobody vacuums their computer!

Jew 1: So what’d you saying? I should have a dirty computer?

Jew 2: Nobody wants a dirty computer, but nobody looses a ‘B’ key!

What are you going to do without a ‘B’ key? What computer doesn’t need a ‘B’ key?

Jew 1: I’ll buy another one.

Jew 2: What you think there’s a special shop you go to, to get ‘B’ keys, there is no shop you slonk, because nobody looses their ‘B’ key.

Jew 1: Ok so I’ll write without a ‘B’ key

Jew 2: What are you crazy now as well as stupid? How the hell are you gonna write without a ‘B’ key?

Jew 1: Ah ollocks to it!

MAKEUP

2010-04-09T22:19:00.006+03:00

It sticks to her hair - it sticks to her face

All that gel and make-up paste

But when the rain comes down as fierce as it can

She’s starts to resemble the candy man

She crosses the street and dives in a door

The guy inside suspects she’s a whore

He looks at her once, then again twice

And suggests she comes over and treats him nice

She screams in disgust and slaps him hard

And heads out the rear across the back yard

An hour and a bit and she’s safe at home

But when she looks in the mirror there’s an almighty grown

What have I become, what the hell is this

These bloody cosmetics are taking the piss

Running up the stairs she grabs the lot

Throwing them down the toilet pot

The toilet jams and she starts to cry

Her blusher and eye liner won’t say goodbye

She flushes again and again and once more

Till her husband comes up and walks in the door

What’s all the racket and all the commotion

Surely you could have taken it off with a lotion

She falls to the floor and grabs hold of the bath

He gives her a hug and tries not to laugh

You’ll be alright, you’ll be ok

Just plaster your face on a bright sunny day

She looks at him mean and jumps to her feet

You don’t understand, without it I’m incomplete

Turning around he let out a laugh

And said on his exit – don’t be so daft

If this has a moral or even a warning

It’s that you are what you are when you wake up in the morning

Chez - 2010

Changing the past

2010-04-09T21:36:00.008+03:00

The past should never be packed up like the wash bag of a traveling salesman and carried into the present. The future is not important, it isn’t here, and there goes the present into what is another present. Each tap of each key was present, but is now passed. We are so briefly in the present and yet always there, yet so firmly and sometimes agonizingly in the past.
What occurred in the passed stays with us for good or for bad in one form or another, hitchhiking into the present where quite often it has no place to be. But how can that be so? Indeed you might say that without the physical and emotional experiences and the knowledge of the past how can we exist and live our daily life, make decisions and draw sensible conclusions about the present? And you would be right; it seems that what I am now is a product of my past. I am always the sum of my past; my feelings, my instincts, my knowledge or lack of, my behavior towards others, my sense and sensibility to the world around me. But as we all know not all of the past is positive. And it's those negative bits that like to ruin the present. So how do we rid ourselves of the hitchhikers from the past that affect us negatively? Well, I suppose we could go and talk to someone about it, but is that really helpful? As for me, all it did in the past (there we go again), is highlight the past, and sometimes allow a certain amount of acceptance. Yet, still it is there, that past, clinging to my shoulder like an annoying little monkey, poking faces at me and making occasional jibes. The thoughts that are the vehicle in which the hitchhikers from the past like to travel can never be totally eradicated; they’re always there even when tucked away in the minds bottom draw. Sooner or later you or someone else will pull it open and out they’ll pop.
So is it possible to be content in the present if you weren’t in the past and the past is ever present? Now that is a conundrum. My instinct hitchhiker says, ‘not a chance’. My emotional hitchhiker says, ‘I hope so’ whilst my logical hitchhiker says, ‘Hmm, let me think about this’.
Ok then, can I change the past? Yes, would be the instinctive answer, but is it really possible? Physically no, but through the mind, why not?
Considering that what I am now is the sum of my past, how can I change the present me to exclude those bits and pieces of the past that I do not want or like? I can’t change them, they are what they were/are. I can’t pretend that they weren’t/aren’t, there/here. So how in heavens name do I do it?
Well one way perhaps, with sufficient will power, would be the following: Every time an unfavorable hitchhiker from the past pops its unrequited head up, if it was an incident that harmed you in some way, try to reverse the thought of that incident into a totally opposite and imaginary thought that is of benefit. Keep doing this until the unfavorable hitchhiker is replaced by the new imaginary thought. For example, if you remember something that caused you physical pain, replace that with a scene where you receive physical pleasure. If you have unpleasant behavioral hitchhikers that make you behave in an unpleasant manner under certain circumstances. Identify the trigger, that which makes you behave in the undesirable way, and then each time that trigger occurs try to behave in a manner that is the opposite. This may take some practice, but after a while may help eliminate the undesirable behavior. So effectively what I am saying here is don’t carry those harmful aspects of the past with you forever, replace the little buggers. In essence this is a form of self brain washing, but if it helps to eradicate the negative aspects of the past with positive aspects then you will carry forward that positive aspect into the present, and being always in the present as a representative of the sum of your past, think of the benefits. What would be the effect if we all did this? Could all that negative energy in the present, be replaced with positive energy? My emotional hitchhiker says….
Right, I’m off to practice, now where are those unpleasant hitchhikers when you need them?

A Christmas Diatribe

2009-12-23T12:25:00.002+02:00

>December 2009

It has been a while since I spent this time of year back in the UK, In fact it's about 6 years, or thereabouts. Having spent the last six Christmases in Turkey, where it is just another working day. However, this year I'm in Athens, and as you all know Greece is a country where Christianity still holds fast and there are plenty of festive indicators lighting up various houses and apartment blocks in the local area. Still, my thoughts have nothing to do with where I am or what is hanging here or there.

When my children were younger, I was always around for Christmas, you had to be, it was expected. I didn't really mind, I wanted to share some time with my children. These days, the whole episode tends to make me feel rather uncomfortable. The few days of almost certain mayhem, scrambling to buy presents and food, a Christmas tree, the lights and all the other trimmings that make up the visual effects of this festive season.

I mean lets face it, without the visual stimuli, it just wouldn't feel the same. Especially the presents wrapped up in their shiny paper, bows, stickers and little cards with names on, laying silently under the tree waiting to be attacked at the appropriate moment as though each a dead rabbit providing sustenance for a rare meal.

Presents, now there’s a phenomenon, an idea that apparently comes from the stories of the New Testament, more precisely from the nativity scene and the three wise men bearing gifts of gold, mhuur and frankincense.

Christmas, a Christian time of peace and love, that sudden hot vein throbbing rush of humanity, bringing forth the exuberant, often inebriated, coming together of families and loved ones, sometimes from afar, to participate in the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. It sounds humble doesn’t it, almost serene, but what happened to the peace and love during the other 364 days of our blessed Julian calendar? Where is all the peace and love then?

It is sad that throughout their jolly little Christian lives most, not all, but most, JC fans and those living in countries where, overall, religious politics is dominated by the JC fraternity, succumb to this annual ritual of over indulgence with a wholly hideous sense of frivolity and caring. The indulgence in family and caring that is so sadly lacking at most other times of the year seems to rush forth from the earth like sycophantic elves. The mad rush to buy gifts at a princely or paupers sum because we feel duty bound to do so. You can hear it as you mingle among the hoards of shoppers, “I should really get something for him or her shouldn’t I??” as if to say well I don’t really want to, but I suppose I have to, after all, it is Christmas. The credit card bonanza, the department store dream, the commercial Christmas pudding with, no wait for it, not double, but triple or quadruple cream. Hey, who cares if you can't afford it, just do it. Sounds like a Nike advert slogan! Money, money, money, it’s on the news, in the business pages of the broadsheets, ‘projected consumer spending figures for the festive season are set to…' The fact that so many people don't have the money, at least not enough to indulge in the way we're all supposed to, doesn't seem to bother the commercial machine. Hey Sucker, the payback is your problem, we just sell the stuff. Christmas has for the last two decades or so, become a box shifters paradise’

What fascinates me the most is how all of a sudden we become saturated in the urge to project ourselves with some otherwise closeted saintly disposition, a short lived ego trip perhaps, or even sadder, a desperate attempt to escape from the drudgery and compassion-less life that carries us aloft from year to year.

We're not alone though, others participate in their own dogmatic rituals. Ramadan, the month long fasting period for the followers of Islam. Rigidly fixed to the lunar cycle, strange in itself for something so concretely Islamic, or is it I wonder? That period of fasting throughout the Muslim world. A rigid dogma of refraining from bodily intake from sunrise to sunset, except of course for the air required to breath. At the end of this period, Bayram comes along and sweets, and in Turkey at least gifts or money (Bayram Para) are given as, reward and replenishment for the apparent lack of blood sugars in the previous month, except that is, in between sunset and sunrise when you can stuff food down the gullet like a Roman Emperor. However, unlike Ramadan, which causes some slight discomfort to it's participants, Christmas is a time of physical saturation with a remarkable capability to shrug off the horrors that in the days before and after flourish all around. Even the warriors and the politicians taking time off to replenish their depleted stocks of goodness and faith before once again commencing battle in the name of all things decent and politically advantageous.

Goodness and faith in what? Unemployment, war, bankers bonuses??? Like the crusaders of old unwilling to slay their enemies on such a special day. Less than a hundred years ago, the Germans and the English who instead of killing each other on the usually bloody fields that separated their trenches in the Great War, chose to play football on Christmas Day. I wonder how it felt, scoring the winning goal knowing that the rampant carnage would ensue the very next day. I wonder if the Taliban can put together a starting eleven and a couple of subs? Even the newspapers and television news carry more festive cheer, less talk of war, starvation and murder; perhaps all the bad guys are too busy opening their presents.

It maybe Christmas for us Christian gang, but it isn't Christmas in Afghanistan, so what the heck, we can kick ass without worrying then. Let's be honest, do you ever think whilst carving the juicy turkey or pouring Brandy over the Christmas pudding about the average wretched Palestinian family with little food, no job and no hope. What about the average Iraqi family for whom Christmas day is just another lifeless day? And what about the starving, wretched dirty lot spread across the globe like mongrels, where barely a day goes by, including Christmas Day, without death due to dysentery and malnutrition or some other hideous disease. Even the homeless on our own streets, what will the wise men bring them I wonder? Perhaps we should ask our modern Christian deities, George Bush or Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, or any number of world politicians, perhaps a note to some of our other equally sainted friends from the Vatican, oh and let us not forget our Ayatollahs and Imam’s too. Ah, but maybe they should be excused as this time of year has nothing to do with them.

Where is the love for humanity on those other days, the days that carry in the wind the threats of vengeance and retribution written cutely on the side of the tomahawk cruise missiles as they whistle their way from ship to shore. The tanks that crunch their way into the West bank and those supposedly holy towns of Jericho and Bethlehem. How the righteous shall overcome anyone who stands in their way or has a different opinion.

It's not only the inane practices of religion that is to blame, equally at fault for their frenzied indifference to freedom of the mind are those who wear the cloak of fear and terror in a world that has seen enough fear and terror to haunt the next several generations thrice over. Why is it that we need special days to allow for the good in our souls to make an appearance, when in the supposed words of Jesus and the definitive lyrics of John Lennon, All you need is love. I know that John Lennon existed because I was here to see it, I cannot be sure about Jesus though, in fact I doubt it, although I'm a little more certain that Mohammed was a genuine walking talking Homo sapien, but if and it is a big big, even bigger if, if indeed Jesus did exist, is this what he would have preached? Did he tell us to be uncaring, selfish, xenophobic and merciless each and every day with the exception of December the 25^th? I don’t think so. Do you?

At the end of this brief diatribe I am not sure how I feel having spawned these words from a feeling of discomfort, I do know that I am as guilty as the next man, but guilt is just another band-aid, isn’t it?